::de nicaieri::

Poate chiar s-a sfarsit. Poate visul meu chiar s-a terminat. Chiar m-am trezit la sunetul alarmei de la telefon care m-a scos din atmosfera din vis si m-a trezit pentru a incepe o noua zi... Ma uit pe geam si printre jaluzele vad razele soarelui care au patruns in camera mea si in ochii mei inca adormiti. Mai stau cateva secunde iar apoi ma ridic din pat. Mi-as dori sa mai pot dormi putin..macar putin sa mai gust din visul din care m-am trezit asa de greu..dar nu pot. Nu am timp.

Si totusi, trebuia sa trec de acest moment de 'trezire' cu adevarat si sa imi incep treaba. Totusi visul nu-mi da pace. Visul a fost mai mult decat un simplu vis. Cu siguranta, a fost mai mult de atat. Si totusi ce a fost? Nu-mi aduc aminte nimic, totul e negru.. dar am ramas cu un sentiment ciudat ..unul nemaiintalnit,ciudat,misterios..

Incerc sa ignor toate aceste simtiri ..trebuia sa-mi continui ziua.

Plec la scoala...Tramvaiul era deja in statie cand eu eram doar in apropierea ei.A trebuit sa fug..In tramvai(spre fericirea mea) gasesc un loc. Ma asez si din nou razele soarelui se intalnesc cu ochii mei verzi.. si incercarea de a afla cuprinsul si insemnatatea visului e mai persistenta decat mai devreme. Incerc si iar incerc. Intr-o secunda ma uit pe geam si observ ca trebuia sa cobor la statia trecuta. Merg pe jos inapoi spre statie de firobus si pe drum ma intalnesc cu o colega. Vorbind, eu deja uitasem de vis. Totul revenise la normal..pana ajung din nou acasa..

Acasa, mi-am mai facut ceva treaba incercand sa imi iau gandul de la vis si sa-mi alung sentimentul ciudat care m-a cuprins azi-dimineata. Nu reusesc. Dar ignor orice gand care m-ar putea duce la dezlegarea enigmei.

A venit timpul sa ma culc din nou..ma pun in pat.. fara frica..fara frica de a visa din nou..ma las pe aripile somnului in speranta ca acel ceva..neinteles astazi de mine.. va prinde culoare si forma undeva in adancul meu si maine ma voi trezi intelegand ceea ce astazi m-a tulburat..

.Sfarsit.

..am terminat "Romanul adolescentului miop" de M.Eliade.Sincer,la inceput mi-a placut foarte mult,dar pe parcurs imi scadea interesul pentru aceasta.De abia asteptam sa o termin sa ma apuc de altceva..dar am ajuns la sfarsit si a inceput sa imi para rau.O citesc de ceva timp si parca m-am atasat de ceea ce a scris Eliade.E ciudat..dar nu vreau sa se termine..
astfel am ajuns la concluzia ca totul are un sfarsit.Nimic nu dureaza o vesnicie.Fie ca ne place sau nu..Oamenii pleaca din vietile noastre,bucuriile se sfarama,urmate de alte momente din vietile noastre placute sau nu.Nu vreau sa par dramatica..dar asa e viata.Totul are un sfarsit.
Ce vom face cand com ajunge la sfarsitul vietii noastre?..
Nu vrem sa se termine,nimeni nu vrea.Am vrea sa fim nemuritori,traind mereu in farmecul vietii,chiar daca in majoritatea zilelor uitam si sa zambim sau se ne bucuram de lucrurile neinsemnate..
Acum s-a terminat cartea.As mai recitio..dar nu vreau sa retraiesc sentimentele.Nu ma pot intoarce inapoi..asa e si cu viata..tot ce a fost a fost.Trebuie sa traim prezentul,sa nu ne intristam de ce a fost sau sa ne ingrijoram pentru ce va fi.Lucrurile sunt tinute in control de God.El deja a citit cartea vietii noastre..stie sfarsitul..
Pana la urma nu stiu despre ce am scris..nu stiu daca a fost o incurajare sau o emotie de a mea..ce stiu e (cum am spus si mai sus) ca totul are un sfarsit..de aia..sa traim prezentul..dar asa cum trebe..pentru ca atunci cand vom vi la sfarsit sa nu ne uitam in urma si sa observam ca ceea ce am trait nu a fost ceea ce aveam nevoie,nu a fost ceea ce ne-a implinit si nu a fost acel ceva care sa nu duca la un happy ending.Cred ca toti stim CINE e acel happy ending...

I am loved.
how do you know that?
I simply know.
And why are you s sure about it?
Look at the sun that's raising every morning.Look at the grass that sometimes it gets greener and sometimes it's not there.Watch the clouds how they come and go..come and go.Look at the trees..their beautifulness..their smell.And every little thing that when we go somewhere we forget to observe.All these things were created for us.God did it.It's more than great,because they were built with His love.So..I am loved.
Now that is great..:)

15 aprilie

...a mai trecut un an.cum?nu stiu.
nu simt timpul,care trece pe langa mine lasand in urma doar amintiri care la un moment dat se duc si ele.un an..12 luni..52 de saptamani..365 de zile..
ce am lasat in urma fiecarui moment din acest an?ce am facut in plus fata de anul trecut?ma simt la fel,dar stiu ca ceva e diferit.e ceva mai mult decat anul trecut..dar numi dau seama..
si totusi..a trecut un an..asa cum a fost el...

Wow..nam mai scris de ceva timp.Zilele astea aveam nevoa sa scriu?De ce?Nu stiu..Oare am nevoia sa ma exprim nefiavand vreo persoana caruia sa-i pot impartasi gandurile mele, sau oare nevoia de a umple pagina cu cuvinte?Nu-mi pot da seama.Nu ma pot analiza.Nu mai stiu cine sunt.Vreau sa ma redescopar.Defapt..stie cineva cu adevarat cine este?In marea parte a gandurilor noastre,faptelor suntem influentati de persoanele cu care ne petrecem majoritatea timpului(cazul meu).Nu ma mai cunosc.Stiu doar ca-mi place vioara,muzica..acolo ma pot exprima.Atat.

Sau poate timpul schimba?Da..asta zic ei..dar cred ca in noi ramanem cei care am fost odata.
Atunci de ce nu stiu ce vreau?
Am ajuns sa ma contrazic cu propria-mi persoana...

survey..

Things You Don't Know About Me

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What is on your bed right now?
my laptop,a blanket and a pillow..oh and i am n my bed:)

When was the last time you threw up?
ok..weird:))dunno..

What's your favorite word or phrase?
um..auuu ok?:P

Name 3 people who made you smile today?
well..its morning and i did not get out of my house but yeah..laura..and..

What were you doing at 8 am this morning?
sleepin'

What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
searching some music program for my computer

What is your favorite holiday?
summer

Have you ever been to another country?
yeah..US rocks

What is the last thing you said aloud?
i told my mom that i am not sure i am going to school tomorow.me is sick

What is the best ice cream flavor?
straciatella

What was the last thing you had to drink?
a hot tea..

What are you wearing right now?
my pijama..

What was the last thing you ate?
cereal with milk

Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
not really..

When was the last time you ran?
yesterday..i think

What's the last sporting event you watched?
hm..not sure

If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
in hawaii

Who is the last person you sent a comment/message on myspace?
angie..?

Ever go camping?
yeah i did last summer

Do you have a tan?
yeah..a lil bit

Have you ever lost anything down a toilet?
yes:)) a hairpin..lol

What is your guilty pleasure?
don't know..

Do you use smiley faces on the computer alot?
kinda..

Do you drink your soda from a straw?
no..

What did your last text message say?
my friend asking me if i am coming to school(yesterday)

Are you someone's best friend?
as far as i know..yes

What are you doing tomorrow?
layin' at home..or going to school

Where is your mom right now?
in my living room

Look to your left, what do you see?
a purple wall:)

What color is your watch?
brown...

What do you think of when you think of Australia?
kangauroos..

Ever ridden on a roller coaster?
yeaaaaa:D

What is your birthstone?
..?

Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive tthru?
hm..both

Do you have any friends on myspace that you actually hate?
no

Do you have a dog?
no..

Last person you talked to on the phone?
my friend diana

Any plans today?
no..

Are you happy?
yup

Where are you right now?
in my room

Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
pf:)

Last song listened to?
take me in kutless..or not?

Last movie you saw?
baby mama

Are you allergic to anything?
nope

Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
my boots..

Are you jealous of anyone?
no..:P

Are you married?
no

Is anyone jealous of you?
no..:P

Do any of your friends have children?
not really

Do you eat healthy?
hm..sometimes.

What do you usually do during the day?
school and practice violin

Do you hate anyone right now?
no!

Do you use the word 'hello' daily?
no

How many kids do you want when you're older?
3..?

How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
14:P

Have you ever been to Six Flags?
no..wanted to..

How did u get one of your scars?
well...a guy wa riding a bicycle and hit me ..weird:p

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dunno..

When you do your thing it's like doing something that you're totally good at and you can totally express your feelings and your thoughts through that thing.well..that's how I feel when I play my music.I'm not just playing some notes and some chords or some scales.It's music.It's abot expressing yourself.About creating.About saying things but through those notes.Feels great!Usually I play what someone else has wrote.But I create it in my way.That is what makes my music so special.Cause even if the music I play it's not mine,the way I play it it's the way I want it to.That makes it so me.

It's really great.Some of us express theirselfs through something else like ballet or draws etc.Expressing yourself makes you better cause you can tell people how you feel when you don't have words to say it.The way you do it it's you even if it's someone else's song or idea but it's you who creates it.

So..my thing is music.Music makes us better people.Or,art makes us better.When I play my music it's that feeling that you have when you love something and you don't want it to end.Even if sometimes it's so hard and it sounds ..odd..it's the best feeling(almost).no..but really!Every note that I play with my violin makes me want to play the next one,cause it sound so nice.I'm not sure why,but I just love it.I am sure everyone has their thing.It's so cool.And I know sometimes it's so hard and it looks impossible..that should make you fight for it more and more.So don't give up and try harder to touch your goal.So...do your thing and don't wait another day without doing it...

speachless..

I was just thinking..where are all the people we thought we know?It's just weird..you think you know a person and it comes out it's totally someone else.Not cute!And sometimes I need the people I used to know.I need to hear their words.But it's totally diffrent now.I am not sure it is a good different.But still..a friend is a person who is there for you,a person who gets you..Have you find that one?..I think I did.Yeah..I totally did.Cool..and I think a found the best best friend..I guess it's God.But I am talking about people on earth..If u need a friend like that,be one cause there may be some people who would like one and need one.I am not even sure that this was my point at the begging of this blog..haha..:P
So..I think I don't even have a point..I just wanted to express myself.I'm not sure I did.Cause sometimes you just need to say something even if you don't have words to say it.Same here:) I don't know what to say anymore..I am tired and a little sick of..all of it!I just want a vacation to forget about everyone..just my violin and I..:P..
So..after all..my point is...
"Marry me Romeo..!"

love story

"Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone,I'll be wating all there is left to do is run,you'll be the prince and I'll be the princess..."
"..i talked to your dad..go pick out a white dress.."
Love story-taylor swift

foarte faina!adica..versurile:x

copii

Luni am facut o ora in fosta mea clasa in care am facut primii 4 ani de scoala..ciudata senzatie.Am vazut clasa in care am fost copil si am ajuns la o intrebare care ar trebui sa ne-o mai punem din cand in cand.Cand am fost ultima oara ca niste copii?Parca crestem asa de repede si ajungem sa ne lepadam de lucrurile copilariei.Nu mai avem timp de nimic.Totul se transforma in niste probleme in viata noastra de care trebuie sa ne scapam.Copii insa iau viata ca pe o joaca..nu cunosc ce este problema.Chiar daca ni se par ridicoli de multe ori cred ca ei au multa dreptate in ce fac si cum fac.Poate ca am ajuns sa punem prea mult pret pe ficare problema care apare si am uitat sa ne bucuram de viata..astfel am pierdut zilele..Cred ca ar trebui din cand in cand se ne mai amintim cum era cand eram copii..Am crescut prea repede..